Self Medicating With Yarn

Thank You, and I miss you

2010-06-27T18:55:00.000-07:00

Today would have been my little brothers 21st birthday. Unfortunately, he passed away nearly 11 years ago, on August 6th, 1999. Dew was a mal-practice baby who was born typical, then murdered by a bad vaccine. His DPT shot was part of a bad batch- the batch killed several hundred children, many within hours of being vaccinated. This incident did result in the vaccine being completely overhauled, and it's now far safer. I believe there haven't been any bad batches since, in fact.

The vaccine caused progressive brain death, or progressive encephalopathy, which took away abilities as he aged. The doctors claim he never made it past 6 months old mentally. He lost the ability to eat around 5, and had a feeding tube put in. The encephalopathy caused extreme epilepsy, and the big seizures occasionally killed off yet another part of his brain. He lost the ability to regulate his body temperate, and was losing the ability to walk.

On top of all of this, he was born with Cystic Fibrosis. The CF took a toll on his body, and since he never understood to cough or blow his nose, it wasn't uncommon for him to be very full of mucus. This meant lots of pneumonia, and even more hospital stays.

Yet throughout it all, he was happy. Always, always happy. He smiled at everyone and hugged people all the time. His joy was infectious, and he constantly was teaching me something.

He taught me to love unconditionally. It didn't matter how many times the nurses stuck him, he still had a hug for them. He taught me to be true to myself, since he always did as he liked (even if he did get in trouble constantly). He taught me things can always be worse, so find the joy in everything. He taught me to show the people I love just how much I love them, to laugh when I want to, naps are a good thing, and to enjoy every day.

I would not be the person I am today without having known him. Thank you, Dew. I miss you.

Alas, tis the week of the doctors appointment

2010-04-13T09:59:00.000-07:00

Yep, this week I have 4 seperate doctors appointments. The last time I posted, I was off to see my PCP- he decided to give up on trying to figure this out and is sending me to a Neurologist. The staff at the office is great and they are hooking me up with a neuro who specialises in Movement Disorders, with a sub specialty of Myeclonic Jerks and Tremors. I'm very excited to see him, and my appointment is this afternoon/evening. (It's at 4- let's get real here, there's no way I'm going to manage to see the dude before 6. I figure I'll be there till 7 or so.)

I see the chiro and MT tomorrow, par norm. And Thursday morning is the Pain Management doc, followed by an afternoon visit with the PCP. I've been having the sensation of needing to crawl out of my own skin lately, and I was finally able to link it to hormones. My OBGYN passed the buck, because of all the meds I'm on, and I'm back to the PCP with the craptastic office staff. I've been having night sweats and the last 3 days I've been horny as hell for no reason. So it's got to be hormonal. Which means more blood draws this week. Who knows what testing the neuro will ask for- he might ask for none, or an utter crap ton. Just another reason why the docs confuse the hell out of me.

My shawl I'd started on my new Harmony needles is coming along beautifully. I so need to get some pictures for both here and Ravelry. The color changes are stunning, since I'm using this fabulous yarn. I love the way this stuff knits up, even if it is the splittiest yarn ever. Heck, the strands aren't even plied together- instead, they are held together. But it is truly fun stuff to work with.

I'm also trying for the 5th time to start a scarf from a knitting book of mine. I am using it as a way to read patterns and take my knitting to the next level, before I try a lace shawl. I figure something with 20 stitches per row will be far less frustrating than a full shawl. But this chart thing is seriously trying to get the best of me.

Yummy Knitting Needles

2010-03-24T17:52:00.000-07:00

I was forced to order these knitpicks interchangeable circular needles after my stupid friend Leslie brought them into my home- evil painted jezebel. She had gotten the metal ones, and she was kind enough to lend me her 32" size 6 needles to start a shawl on. I liked them and thought I might as well get myself a set- I mean, really, I've bought far too many circs these last few months. Since the metal needles are nickel and I have metal sensitivities, I figured I'd splurge and get the Harmony needles, which are colorful laminated wood. They arrived today while I was out doing errands, and the second I saw the box it was opened and those metal needles were removed from the cord and replaced with wood ones (ah, the benefits of interchangeable needles). And Oh My Gods, these are the best needles I've ever had the honor of using in my life. I'm going to have to stop knitting on straights for basic flat work and use these instead.

Tomorrow is my next doctors appointment with my PCP. I admit to actually being nervous for a change, which is very odd for me. I've been having alot of unexplained symptoms for nearly a year, and I'm starting to get frustrated by a lack of answers. So tomorrow is my chance to push, again, for said answers. Hopefully this time we think of the right thing to test for. The knitting is coming with to help keep me calm- that's what basic pattern shawls are for!

Cassie

I love being a woman

2010-03-08T11:32:00.001-08:00

Okay, let's be real here- I love being a woman the 48 weeks of the year I'm not having my period. I've been on Seasonique for about 3.5 years now, at the behest of my GI doc. He felt controlling my hormones would help with controlling the symptoms of my IBS. It did, and all was good. Those 4 weeks a year I still had to be painfully reminded of my womanhood sucked, but I could still go about my life.

Then things tanked this year. The last time I had my period was back in early January, and I was in hell for 1 week. I couldn't get out of my recliner and I doubled over every time my hot pack wasn't hot enough. So I called the ob/gyn and went in early.

She was thrilled I'd come to her instead of just suffering, and was happy to help out. She was very sympathetic when I told her about the fibro and chronic pain diagnoses, and was very curious about why I've gone downhill so fast. She then recommended a visit to Cleveland Clinic and said she would call my PCP (who she went to medical school with) and talk to him about setting it up. I see him in 2 weeks, anyways, so I'm sure it'll come up again then.

Then she said the magic words: "I don't think you should be having a period at all."

I just about danced. Since I need the constant hormones, I'm not a candidate for Depo, so I'm staying on Seasonique and just skipping my "off" weeks from now on. So, *no more periods for me!!!!*

This also means I get my spring break now. I had sort of planned my next week of uterus inspired hell for then. My ob/gyn rocks.

Broken body

2010-03-05T12:12:00.000-08:00

So, one big reason for me bothering to start a blog is my health. I'm trapped in a rather broken body. I have:

benign cystic bone tumor in my R femur
Oseto Athritis in my hips and knees
Fibromyalgia
Chronic Pain Syndrome
Asthma
IBS-C
Acid Reflux (severe)
Gastroparesis
and permanent damage to the bone, muscle, and nerves in the R hip from 4 major hip surgeries

I currently walk with a cane about 75% of the time, which has been rather hard for me to accept. I was a dance teacher all the way through high school and ran track, so knowing that I can't carry my own backpack without the aid of cane is a bit rough. It helps, though, that my brother was oh, so awesome as to take my hints at christmas time and he bought me the Dr. House cane- you know, the one with carbon fiber and flames. His direct quote was, "If you have to have a cane, it had better be pimpin'. Though it feels massively weird to buy my sister a cane..."

I've been slowly learning to make fun of myself. I find this more important now that my fibro is flared up, and I have more issues with movement and fibro fog. When you type like a dead bunny and have the memory of a caffienate squirrel, if you can't make fun of yourself, life is just going to be depressing. My fibro fog does cause nominal aphasia, or issues with words, which for me means not only forgetting words, but typing/writing something totally different than I intend to. And when I go to read it, it tends to come off as what I intended and not what I actually wrote. So if you see a major mistake, just let me know. I'll try to remember to fix it. ;)

I figure doing the blog thing is a great way to share my story with people. I'm going to try to update at least once per week, but we'll see if I can remember. I'll share my knitting, crochet, and spinning with everyone, as well as my trials and triumphs with my health.

A new day, a new blog

2009-10-05T13:19:00.000-07:00

I'm constantly being informed that I need a blog. Why? I'm outspoken. That's it. Apparently, having to many random facts and opinions is the sole qualification for blogging. Who knew?

So- who the hell am I? I am a 22 year old college student from the Cincinnati, Ohio region (seriously, the area that falls under that classification has gotten waaay to big). My major is artistically based and I am, finally!, in my senior year. Oh, and I'm a potty mouth. Just ask the friends.

I knit, crochet, spin, bead, sew, embroider, cross-stitch, paint, and draw. I also do woodworking and know a bit of the basics of metal working. Why do I do all of this? I get bored easily. My friends use to joke I was really ADD and I self medicated with yarn. There's probably a lot of truth in that statement.

Current WIPs: a crocheted scarf for the gran, a crocheted hat for moi, a crocheted scarf for whoever, a present for a friend, and my two lovely spindles currently bear alpaca- one has pure alpaca, the other has a luscious 50/50 alpaca/angora blend.